90 days since leaving home. As I sit here, I have 12 days un-filled in my journal. Empty entries reflect busy days and nights. I’m cramming all that I can into these last few precious moments. My Bluetooth headphones blink a blue light every 6 seconds in the darkness because I have no power at the moment. Rocking WOTE “home we’ll go” makes me feel slightly conflicted inside. I really have explored a new home. A new place where I’ve found the depths of confusion and conflict among the burning, pure honesty of humanity and love. There has been absolutely no doubt that I will be back. There are magnets here for my soul. Some, people. Some, places. Some, thoughts. Some, revelations.
Am I ready for home? I think this weekend in Rishikesh provided me perfect closure. The semester before completing our undergrads, Matt and I travelled to Europe for two months. We were burnt-out students looking for an escape and found an opportunity to re-connect as a couple. During that trip, we even decided we would start our family (you are welcome Ethan!), but before coming home we had one more stop: Ireland. Now, I’ve reflected on this before, but the green and the hills made me homesick after two months of travel. Here, I repeated the exact same pattern. I knew I was, but it just couldn’t be avoided the way that my travels ended up being planned out. So Rishikesh, the foothills of the Himalayas, with pristine Ganga water and abundant greenery brought me home again. But this time, I didn’t get homesick. Another home was built. An amazing spiritual path unfolded as all aligned synchronously. God has honestly provided for me so incredibly well on this trip. I have so much gratitude for that. I said Rishikesh provided perfect closure, but, to be honest, I was a little bit sneaky to ensure it couldn’t get wrapped up completely… “Oh well,” I convinced myself, “next time!” Remember that first blog post? Well today I got my haircut and giggled. Leaving as many pieces of you behind as you can, Ashley? I suppose I will have to ponder on this one once more: how long until the traces of me disappear? How long until the impact I had is erased from memory? This crazy, indescribable journey has so many unwritten stories. Maybe one day I’ll share them with you. Maybe I’ll tell you about what caused the burn scar on my leg. Maybe I’ll paint you a picture of laugh-filled cartwheels in the garden. Maybe I’ll introduce you to the mother whose spirit I have met before. Maybe I’ll dance the red sunrise into your soul the way it entered mine. Maybe I’ll whisper of heartbreak and loss. Maybe I’ll sing ringing bells of worship and devotion. Maybe… India enjoys keeping her secrets in plain sight. A friend explained today that, “everyone here wants their presence.” It’s true. My stories will inevitably be shared without effort; you will see them imprinted on my existence. That’s how I wish to share my presence. I am my final desi discovery.
6 Comments
Matthew
12/6/2017 09:19:37 am
Wow... beautifully written ❤️
Reply
Gauri
12/6/2017 12:31:53 pm
Just beautiful! ❤️
Reply
Gwen
12/6/2017 12:35:17 pm
Ashley, You are such a talented writer. Your descriptions drew me into your world in India. What an amazing experience you have had. I am in awe.
Reply
Terri
12/6/2017 01:57:38 pm
Wow what a journey and so beautifully written. <3
Reply
Kim miller
12/6/2017 06:26:06 pm
This is beautiful, I can close my eyes and almost be there.
Reply
Theresa L Toms
12/8/2017 01:03:40 am
The reflections of the experiences in your new home are very vivid and has me feeling that I an experiencing them along side of ypu. It is nice to see how both you and your family family have grown over these last few months!
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorAshley J.E. Hull Archives
November 2017
Categories |