We often use the phrase “it takes a village.” In all honestly, I thought I knew what this meant as a mother of five. Undoubtedly, it would not be feasible for me to where I am, doing what I’m doing, were it not for an incredible support team back home. However, I suppose my understanding has broadened a bit more through this experience from my encounters with the rural villages of Bundelkhand. Allow me to illustrate. In the villages I have visited, there are doors, but they are rarely if ever closed. Children, animals, families, friends and visitors have full access to whatever space they desire to occupy. Perhaps it’s because of the communal nature of living and the engrained culture of respect for the elders (in some cases, children) in the home, that this freedom is so widely explored. Sharing is another aspect that is so different from what I am used to. There are abundantly generous people I have met in the western world, but here the universality of the practice is what is most striking. When it comes to love languages, gift giving is probably the lowest on my list. I’ve had to conscientiously reconcile and permit myself to receive gifts from specific individuals in my life (dad being one of them), understanding that is how they show their love and support towards me. But that’s on a very personal, individual basis. To try to assume this custom myself goes against my grain and it’s a challenge for me receive gracefully (and remember to give things).
When I enter a village, I don’t see disparity or hopelessness. In fact, it’s often the exact opposite. The village community tends to one another’s unspoken needs. While collecting data for my impact assessment report, a grandmother stepped in to tend to the child of the interviewee so she could participate without distraction. Two boys ride home from school on bicycles hand in hand because they wish to share that connection with one another (and how beautiful it is in this culture that men touch one another so much! I would love to see more of this back home). Water, tea, peanuts, food of every imaginable kind is prepared if there’s the slightest hint (or not) of thirst or hunger. Twice I have been blessed with beautiful mehndi applications that surely would have been charged for in the market but offered freely, lovingly. Even at home, with the family who lives in the compound, a paper decoration was presented as project from school to decorate our humble room. One coworker in the office explained to me how, once he realizes he has some food/snack in his pocket, he would check and count it out to share. His thought isn’t, I’ll wait until some people leave and then there will be more for us. He counts it out with the intention of being able to share as much as possible. I can’t even say it is generosity. It is more. Like what I experienced over Diwali. Perhaps it’s just love. Over the remainder of my lifetime I look forward to the multitude of times I will hear over and over the words, “it takes a village.” I will forever hold with me a much more significant feeling and attitude to associate with in. Love. A village is built with love and maintained through lasting, meaningful connections. Oh, how I am going to miss these villagers. Even with my own tribe waiting anxiously at home for me, I am afraid I can’t replicate these same conditions in a world that isn’t trained up in the same way. If nothing else, I believe I am better positioned to recognize the right people and invite them into my daily life. I was getting close before I left. Optimistic Ashley has to find some kind of silver lining, right? But my heart is still breaking at the thought of leaving. Only 40 more days to go.
7 Comments
Susan Russell
11/1/2017 06:20:02 am
Adds new meaning to the phrase “Our door is always open”.
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Ashley
11/2/2017 03:41:46 am
Your comment made me smile. My aversion to gifting is almost as high as my aversion to microphones-- I doubt there's a TED talk in my future 😂
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11/1/2017 03:04:17 pm
And this from the woman who didn't think she would find time for a blog. Absolutely first rate. Wonderful expression of your observations and reflections on your values. Brava!
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Ashley
11/2/2017 03:43:27 am
Thanks Kathy. To be honest, writing this blog has been a really pleasurable experience. Not the grind I was expecting.
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Lisa Traer
11/1/2017 04:35:55 pm
Hi Ashley, Rachel and I are loving reading and following your blog. Each tells me she follows you on instagram too. I sure hope that in past my gifts didn't seem as unthoughful ways of showing my gratitude. You have and still do give so much. So much of yourself and so much time. I have always loved, appreciated and respected you and your family. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I guess your right we all show love in different ways. I love that men share too. I have always been raised to show and tell people I love them, but from learning through friendships and relationships I have found that many do not even know the word love in their language. My Hungarian room mate in university told me she didn't know the word and her parents never once used it. I try now in my current relationship to not only show love, but teach love--- because sadly some have never been taught or shown--- or they have in different ways.
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Ashley
11/2/2017 03:40:33 am
Thanks for following Lisa! Or course I always knew your thoughtful gifts were from the heart-- my trouble is always in feel worthy to receive! I also need to be better in this area, recognizing how in giving, it isn't about me at all but the other person. If they enjoy gifts, I have to get over myself! Lol. Can't wait to come home and gift that girl of yours a big hug. She's growing up way too fast (they all are!)
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Lisa
11/2/2017 03:33:55 pm
Thinking of you always! You are truly so inspirational! Lots of love being sent your way. Leave a Reply. |
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